Spectre

RV: I like James Bond. I’m not a huge fan. I don’t normally pay to go see it. I’m more of a renter or catch it on FX or something. However, Ms. Twizzler loves her some Daniel Craig, which this movie did not disappoint in that category with its borderline tentacle porn opening, so I watched in the move theater. Reflecting back on that experience, I would describe like sitting in church. I felt squirmy, I really wanted to check my phone but couldn’t, and for the most part, I acted as if I knew what the hell they were talking about but really didn’t understand most of the jargon that was being uttered. Before I complain too much, I will say the actions sequences were exciting, yet honestly, even those dragged on a bit too long and become a bit too cartoony (See Indian Jones and the Atomic Fridge). For Bond fans, I’m sure this movie checked all of the boxes. It had PG 13 sex. It had car advertisements for rich people who I’m sure don’t watch Bond films. It also had villain with some sort of Freudian issue that turned him into a psychopath. For average viewers, this movie was just apologetically boring. I left the movie theater with no memory of what I had just watched. It was like sitting through a seminar at work. I’m sure it was good for some, but it was just a waste of my time.

T: You best be right I love me some Daniel Craig. I mean – come on! Its Daniel-freaking-Craig! With that said, beyond my devotion to Baby-Blue-Eyes, I actually love the James Bond franchise. Although James Bond is often the quintessential-misogynist, I love all the flair of secret agents and English accents. Daniel Craig is probably my favorite James Bond – though I understand why so many people would argue otherwise. With that said, this is by far my least favorite of the Daniel-Craig-super-delicious-James-Bond collection. This is especially sad because ALL THE OTHER ONES WERE SO GOOD! I mean, Skyfall was featured at the Oscars, though this is mostly a credit to Adele who is also freaking gorgeous. But with Spectre it was just…* insert shoulder shrug*. At times it was boring and drawn-out and overall blah. Even Daniel Craig seemed bored, which makes sense considering what he said on the topic of making another James Bond movie: “I’d rather break this glass and slash my wrists” (Daniel Craig Says He’s Done With Bond; Is The Search Now On For New 007?). Even as I sit here all I can remember is a few things: a helicopter battle, some weirdo funeral with Monica Bellucci, D-Craig clobbering in a wall at some sketchy hotel, and Christoph Waltz basically being the real life Joker that he always is…and that’s about it. With that said, this may have been a result of me studying other (ahem) material on the screen.

2 Red Vines: This movie will not shake nor stir expectations. It’s basically a glass of water with Alka-Seltzer tablet simmering at the bottom.

2.5 Twizzlers: Not great; I’d still do him.

Hey y’all! How about you invite the friends over for a James Bond-themed party and watch Spectre (or the three other, better Daniel Craig starring flicks)? Check out this cool James Bond Infographic to know how to pull off the devilshly-handsome secret agent’s style and then be sure to finish off the evening with this perfectly crafted cocktail: Original James Bond cocktail

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